I will attempt to present my thoughts on this subject - probably however somewhat randomly structured, as there are so many facets and it is hard to choose a specific order. It is also in part an attempt to consolidate all the thoughts I have on the matter.
As a child I was brought up with the church as a presence although not high profile, and did for a few years before my voice broke sing in a church choir. Back then I accepted the whole deal, in a sense, but never felt really deeply involved at a spiritual level. Somewhat through family tradition I was baptized as a baby and then, before leaving the church choir, went through confirmation - it seemed "the thing to do", although I was not to be honest aware of the great significance I should have felt.
The years went on and I had minimal church exposure until I went away to school, where "Chapel" was an integral part of school routine. The chaplain was a well meaning man but I found at the age of sixteen he seemed just too devout and humble - too over-powering perhaps, and this is where the real problems began. It turned me away from religion, finding my own personal formula for spiritual needs, of which more later.
Perhaps the first major battle of conscience I had to face was dealing with the feeling of hypocricy when exposed to church services and rituals, something I have continued to feel ever more through my 63 year life. I could not comfortably be in a church service and "pretend" to go along with the flow just to seem 'normal' - it struck me as deceitful and so my solution was and is, avoidance. To a great extent I respect the choices of others with their religious following but have no wish to try and be a pretender just to be seeming to conform. My character is actually somewhat non-conformist in many ways - some might say a bit of a rebel or as more likely now at my more advanced age, "eccentric" - probably an accurate if English description!
My visits in to churches became sporadic to the point of near nothing and this suited me fine but I recall when I got married for the first time in 1972 how I was more than discomforted by having to endure a church wedding. I like the simple life and so the wedding was in all respects way too overblown for my liking but - these things tend to be 'chosen' somewhat by assertive families! I accepted the marriage vows in themselves but all other aspects of the wedding ceremony made me feel acutely uncomfortable - my feeling once more of hypocricy - I was having to pretend.
The next stage of problems came when my children were baptized ..... again this was really ''something one did'' ... family tradition. My own choice would have been not only to have avoided the church exposure and my discomfort but, more important, left the shildren to grow up and then decide for themselves if they wished to be baptized. Freedom of choice. Had I had this choice I would not have been baptized and so lessened my feelings of being an imposter within the church.
Over the many later years I did successfully manage to avoid church visits and gained most pleasure from churches simply through the admiration of fine architecture. There were however periodically the inevitable funerals - and even there I was as usual very uncomfortable trying to pretend to be devout when I wasn't, preferring from choice to handle the person's passing in a much more simple manner and then celebrate their life.
So, this is in essence how I got to where I am now but outside of this aspect are many others which I will now endevor to describe, hopefully with some semblance of clarity and logic.
Let's start with one of my favorite bones of contention. The Bible. I am sorry folks but I cannot take this book as being anything more than a collection of writings, supposedly historic in content, as much more than the thoughts of many which may have been changed or embellished over the centuries. Where I ask is the "provinence" - the proof that this is messages from prophets, God and Jesus etc, let alone actual "rules' we should follow and espouse.
It strikes me and others of my persuasion that interpretation of the bible's contents is down very much to what you wish to make of it - to suit a purpose. I certainly cannot and do not see it as much more than an historic document made up of a large collection of writings of dubious origin. I will admit, there are certain "teachings'' within that do fit in just fine with my code of ethics and integrity but they are I feel basic to any good person's way of living.
I do surprisingly believe that Jesus Christ was real ..... too much to support that but where I diverge is with regard to his supposed importance and the premise that he was the Son of God. I guess that is in part also because I cannot personally 'see' anything that supports my belief in a single deity called "God". There is I'll concede a great difficulty in seeing all around us in nature and the universe without ascribing it to some amazing grand plan by perhaps some 'higher authority' ..... but I am also a science driven person and require proof for much that others seem to accept by pure belief.
That said I will use the word "maybe" quite freely. There "maybe" life elsewhere in the universe (statistically I reckon there must be) but this middle ground is requiring proof for or against and until I receive either then "maybe" remains my take. There "maybe" a God from my perspective but I have yet to see any proof either way and consider that for those with the ultimate in depth of faith - they'll believe anything because of that faith. Call it self-hypnosis sometimes!
This brings me to another major stumbling block. Folks of devout nature pray a lot and I can see there is probably at the very least some ''feelgood'' return effect as they are 'doing something'. I do concede there can be some benefit from the power of positive thinking and attempt to utilize such but do not parallel that with prayer per se.
Where I really severely get cynical is with different groups in say, a conflict - who pray like crazy to 'their God', for victory and a safe return home!! Well sorry folks, that cannot and does not work for everyone because if it did no one would die or get hurt - so where's the percentage I ask? Who does God love more, or less? Who's God is better than someone else's?
Same for another example we can use where let us imagine, as has happened, some miners get trapped underground and naturally everyone wants to see them rescued. Best attempts will be made and probably much prayer will be offered up for a good result. But - what is our conclusion if things fail? Has God not listened? Where these miners not important enough? I am afraid this sort of thing calls into grave doubt just what value prayer has if any, other than as I said earlier - "feelgood''.
What about extreme weather? Classic examples include hurricanes and tornadoes .... and they are essentially random events with regard to who gets hit and yet - folks will pray asking God to spare them, but how does that pan out if they are in fact hit? Again, didn't God listen? If someone is spared but their neighbor was killed .... what sort of decision-making event is that by a benign God?
The list goes on regarding such apparent paradoxes - for some it was "where was God when I needed him to protect me?" - for another perhaps "Thank God he was watching over me"! Believe what you will but to me there is no evidence of God's assistance other than in the mind of the faithful - who ascribe something good to God's influence and often seem to dismiss the bad as "just God's will"!.
Here's another angle .. the Catholic forgiveness of sins and confession and the cases of priests who commit bad deeds. How is it that a person of conscience can go talk with a priest - confess their sins and promise to say however many "Hail Marys", only to feel absolved and then - go do the bad stuff all over again? Can't buy into that at all. For me conscience is everything ...... no other person involved - "can I sleep nights?" ..... and if I have sinned in some way it is for me to live with that and deal with it, perhaps by finding my own means to make amends. No one can absolve anything for me - I have to do what is necessary.
And as for men or women of the cloth who commit crimes, I have heard of both fraud and embezzlement as well as sick cases of child abuse. This from people who are supposed be close to God and examples to all. I know all men are fallible but the degree of straying from the straight and narrow is so extreme in some cases it would certainly have me questioning my trust of such people.
I must also bring up my observed category of "Sunday Christians" ..... where I see people go to church, probably for the 'feelgood' rather than any deep expression of faith, and as sheep they go through the motions of singing and chanting 'just because'. Having done that they can then go off and live the rest of the week until next time - living lives sometimes riddled with hypocrisy and even serious sinning. OK I know that is very cynical but sad to say I have seen more than enough of that over time and it never impressed me too much.
Now, something different - destiny - that's a different matter entirely and I do support it, as being nothing to do whatsoever with religion. "It is written" is something I firmly believe in because it is for me fairly easy to prove. It is often said we are masters of our own destiny - that is I think totally fallacious because the outside influences and variables in life cannot possibly allow the individual total choice. Cirumstances will always be able to alter events.
Example time again. Let us take an easy example ....... man gets ready to leave for work. He leaves shall we say every day close to 7.30 in the morning and drives a few miles to catch a train into town .... he then walks a short distance to his office. One day he leaves a minute early - another a minute late - small difference and maybe he paused to tie a showlace but let us suppose that one of those days is when a big rig is driving the other way - the time he is a minute late and that changes things as it happens.
The truck has a tire burst such that it careens across the median and hits our man's car and there is a serious wreck. The man is injured seriously and is taken to hospital. OK we'll let him recover but let's look at what that did to his day - due to ''wrong time and place'' syndrome. He might have had a critical meeting that day - important decisions for which his presence was important. End result the meeting might have ended with a major different result - enough perhaps to have a "knock-on" effect concerning even the country itself. Speculation perhaps but - sometimes small events can (and do) lead to momentous consequences through a chain of then connected sequele.
Not the best example perhaps but what it is saying is - we are not and cannot be in control totally. If after the events we look back - it is plain to me that this was how things were always going to turn out. Forget the ''if only'' aspect - it was the way it was and in theory could have been predicted long before. The same perhaps too as there being a pre-ordained way each of us will depart this world - thought probably best we do not know in advance!
Why bring up destiny at all? Simply because there is little need at all to have to incorporate any "God" into our lives when in retrospect it becomes plain that all that was going to happen will happen, regardless and without anyone being able to stop it - because it's happened! Remember the old expression from wartime? "If the bullet has your name on it ...." ........ well that is destiny again or call it fate if you will. Many good people have lost their lives due to ''chance'' ......... again, time and place.
Moving back again to actual religion - I have long been appalled at the "mine is better than yours'' situation - leading to fighting wars even. What a joke! It is even worse now that we see such an upsurge in extremist factions who can even decide that their creed (the way they choose to interpret it) enables them to mandate the destruction of another sect as being 'infidels'. My gosh - great religion huh! I have to think back in history to the 'Crusades" too where seemingly, somewhat like missionaries, people go off ready even to fight, to bring the "benefits (sic) of christianity to the poor ignorant folks who somehow must be 'converted'.
I try to be tolerant and where I see religion as overall peaceful and benign and also try to give it respect - ''each to his own'' approach. That however ceases when I see another religion as hostile, adversarial and even murderous - which if it presents a threat to me and mine will be most definitely treated as an enemy.
To those religious folks who see me as ''odd' or heathen - Ok that's fine but I will not try and inflict my own beliefs (or lack of them) on you, and ask the same in return. Unfortunately I occasionally encounter those who seem to want to thrust their tenets down my throat - something I do not appreciate and quickly attempt to forestall.
Bottom line dear reader is, for me religion has a lot to answer for - and I have this wish that many more people would stop and think and ask questions instead of seemingly sucking up rhetoric and indoctrination as if it is the only way - look outside of the box. I have a sneeking admiration even envy for the most genuinely sincere religious people as they seem to have found something very fullfilling, and far be it for me to wish them other than continued joy. If it floats their boat - that's great!
It is however what strikes me as a majority where I see closed mindedness, slavish adherence to doctrines and no real attempt to analyse and scrutinize. This seems most pronounced within the fanatical segments of some religions - indoctrinate the kids at school and that seems it - the adults are then so inculcated that they never seem to question anything thereafter.
So what is my take - for myself? Well I have evolved I think into a 'humanist', altho many hate that word, seeing it as a copout! I have mentioned conscience and that is my inner guardian - what I have to deal with if I transgress. I endevor to uphold honesty, integrity, honor and respect for life. I expect the same in return but, if I am threatened I will consider I am entitled to defend myself by all means necessary. I have what I regard as a spiritual core but that has nothing to do with religion in the accepted sense - it is instead a mix of the values I subscribe to and a healthy respect and awe for my surroundings and the universe in which live.
One thing I have not mentioned yet is evil and it is something I see as a component in some people's lives. I do not ascribe it to "The Devil" - I'll leave that to religious people but like so much in this physical universe there are opposites and poles, positive and negative, north and south, hot and cold, and this almost by default leaves room for good and evil. My wish is always that good should prevail but when I see sometimes what my fellow man is capable of I do wonder!
I do not see an after life tho would like to. I used to think 'something', a sort of 'essential self' must be left of any and all of us when we die but frankly cannot any more see anything other than what I experience in sleep. For maybe eight hours, leaving out dreams - I am "gone" and could just as easily never wake up - it'd be no different - eternity. Admittedly the atoms and molecules of my mortal frame will endure and be reused - but that is simply the construction materials - my consciousness dies when I do.
No - my only legacy will be what I have done in life that just might be remembered plus my children - my genes are perpetuated, and beyond that I will have been simply just another being who came and went - part of the cycle of life and death. I cherish every day and give thanks - but to whom? I don't know because my gratitude is simply a means of not taking for granted that which I have - a means of extracting better the good things I have been lucky enough to enjoy.
There you have it! A conglomeration of an old man's thoughts and to conclude, let me use a strange choice of expression, one which should not be mine to use but somehow still enables me to pass on wishes for peace and all things good ..........
God Bless. :)
(Rules for life - not religion dependant ......... "do unto others as you would be done unto thyself", honesty, respect, honor and integrity. More of these would sure help the world go round smoother!)
